Forever ending drabble

I'm crazy. I'm sick. But I don't care anymore. This pressure sucked me like a leech, I couldn't hold on and grasp. All my hope- to finally beat you and earn my rightful title, it's all gone in the wind. I pleaded and pleaded for these thoughts to disappear, those horrible thoughts that kept me up at night, fighting with my logic and slowly emptying what was left of my sanity. And here I am, standing here before you, with your eyes locked to mine. As if a lion surrounding his pray. I wonder if I'm your worst nightmare at the moment. Don't worry, it's my nightmare too. I can't control myself anymore, I'm not 'me' anymore; what you see right now, it's an empty shell, with no sanity left to back down.


It's amazing how much damage you caused, Near. All thanks to that stupid project, and especially you. This was your plan from the beginning wasn't it, to leave me without a brain and take over. It doesn't matter if you look scared shitless, I blame you and only you for everything. It's 'your' entire fault. That's why...
                          

I'm seeing red, I can't even remember what happened a second ago. I don't even remember why I shattered that window, and why I have this glass in my hand. The cuts in my hand don't mean a thing, I feel numb, and they don't sting at all. Doesn't matter if I'm trembling violently, or my teeth clenching to the point of tooth loss. The painful tears are nothing. This is inevitable.


My body moves forward, I'm not in control. Everything from this point isn't logical. You know what's coming, I know you do. You wanted this... you made me crazy, now I'm going to end it. I'm going to end 'you'. I'm going to end 'myself', and be rid of this once and for all. I have no regrets regarding to this. If anything, my only regrets are my failure, and Matt. This wasn't supposed to be this way...





But it is.




And now....




I'm drowning everything, taking you down with me, with everything I've got.





I'm sorry, L. I-...we... couldn't live up to your expectations. I'm sorry that I'm a selfish, crazy fuck. I'm sorry that I want Near all to myself... and I'm sorry that I slashed his throat like an animal, while acting like an untamed animal myself. But it's all right. I'm satisfied and I don't hurt anymore. Near and I are one, with our hands intertwined, just like you and Roger solemnly asked. So we can finally fit. In that damn unfinished puzzle. Forever.